Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
no you cant smoke seaweed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
