everyone is single if you try hard enough
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
