It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
