Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
