I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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