But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
