Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
