If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
