so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
