I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
