Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
