My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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