Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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