I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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