there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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