i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
