i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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