Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
