Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
