Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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