The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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