Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
