I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
