Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
