they need to just BURY HIM!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
