My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
