3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
