just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
