Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize