I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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