I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
