you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
