I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
