oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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