you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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