Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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