I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
