THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
