I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
