Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
