my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
