Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
