Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
