i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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