Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
