My room smells like vodka and shame
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I need water and some morals
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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