this beer tastes like vomit already
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
