i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
