You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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