if only i could text you this smell
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
