How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
