this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Come back. Shots need mouths.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
