I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
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She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
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Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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