he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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