Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
