Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
