I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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