Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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